Jobs and Moms

Child Care Challenges

Choosing a nanny is one of the most important parenting tasks you'll ever undertake. To help you better understand what to look out for when selecting a nanny, I asked Deborah Smith, a former nanny, mother of "two terrific" boys and the owner of several online nanny services including NannyClassifieds.com, 4EverythingNanny.com, and BestNannyCam.com to share her thoughts on this subject:

Tip # 1 - Do not fall in love with your nanny based on what she looks like on paper: I had a family once contact me who had found a British nanny online and wanted to know if she was legitimate. After checking out some of the claims she made in her online profile, I told the family that I thought she was a fake. They still sent her $700 for plane fare. The foreseeable end to this tale? The nanny never had any intention of flying to the US. (Actually, nanny was probably not a nanny at all). But, she looked great on virtual paper and the family was so blinded by their need for a nanny that they refused to see the writing on the wall.

Tip #2 - While interviewing a nanny is important, interviewing her references is far more important: Be sure to verify all information provided by the prospective nanny. Ask references how long the nanny worked for them, the ages of their children, what nanny's responsibilities were, why did nanny leave, and so on. If your prospective nanny has never worked as a nanny before, interview her former employers. Ask them if they think she would make a good nanny and why they think so.

Tip #3 - Run a thorough background check: Do not rely on "National Databases" that give you results in 24 hours. The sad truth about criminal records in our country is that there is no central database as many records are still kept on local files in County Courts. A reputable background screening service will have agents who physically visit the county(s) where your nanny has lived and will look her up personally. It's more expensive and a little more time consuming, but it is the only way to get credible results.

Tip #4 - Conduct a working interview: Have the nanny come in for a paid, trial run. Spend some time getting her acquainted with the house and the children. Then remove yourself from the room but still stay within ear shot. Does nanny know what to do to occupy your toddler or sooth your infant? Does she seem comfortable and self-assured or nervous and clueless? The more days you can dedicate to this phase of the "interview" the better.

Tip #5 - Hire an agency to help with screening: If you are uncomfortable taking the reigns of the interview process, invest the $200 to $300 to hire a nanny agency that can interview your nanny and her references. Many nanny agencies offer this service as an a la carte option.

Tip #6 - Bonus: Okay, I know I said 5 tips, but here's a bonus. Put together a written job description/work agreement that both you and your nanny agree to and sign. Revisit this agreement periodically over coffee with your nanny to see how things are going and to get her input on how she is doing. Keeping the lines of communication open with your nanny will make the whole employment experience a much happier one for everyone involved. For a sample work agreement, visit 4EverythingNanny.com.

Other Helpful Child Care Resources:

Child Care Aware is a non-profit organization committed to helping parents find the best information on locating quality child care and child care resources in their community by connecting parents with the local agencies best equipped to serve their needs.

Sitter City enables you to find babysitters, nannies and pet sitters in your local community. Use the promo code "JAM" and receive 10% off your order at checkout.

Downloadable 38 point Child Care Check List is very useful for any parent scouting out a new daycare facility or child care provider.

Sick Child - Working Mom

I recently received an e-mail from a single mom who is worried about losing her job as a result of her excessive absences from work. First, this poor woman endured a series of personal health issues (pneumonia, ruptured spinal disk, etc.) which resulted in her missing three weeks of work. Since August, her 12 year-old daughter has taken sick with a variety of illnesses, ranging from strep to bronchitis to ear infections.

To date, her boss has been remarkably understanding, but my reader is understandably concerned that her boss will soon run out of patience.

She writes, "I don't how much longer they are going to put up with me not being there. I’m sure there are other single moms that have sickly children and have gone through this. Do you know if there is anything I can do to insure I won’t lose my job, because my daughter keeps getting sick?"

Nancy's reply: I wish I could give you a fail-safe solution that would "ensure" you don't lose your job, but unfortunately there is no magic bullet for dealing with this issue. Employers pay you to work and excessive absenteeism can eventually lead to termination.

But all is not hopeless and you have a number of things working in your favor that could limit the impact of your absetneeism. Your personal absences were due to conditions that have now been resolved, so presumbably that should limit your absenteeism in the futurre. Even more important, your boss has demonstrated a willingness to work with you and clearly values you as a hard-working employee.

Hopefully, your daughter's health issues will soon be behind her as well. But, since sore throats and the like are inevitable, now is a good time to discuss possible "sick-day solutions" with your employer.

Thank your employer for their understanding and let them know how much you appreciate their support. Emphasize that while you don't expect to have excessive absence in the future, that you'd like to have a plan in place that will help minimize work disruptions in the event of any absences in the future. Perhaps you can arrange to work from home when needed with a company laptop or home computer. Alternatively, you could suggest working extra hours during evenings and weekends. Your employer might have some suggestions as well as to the best way to manage this situation going forward.

Readers, what say you? How have you handled the working mom - sick child dilemma at your job?

Work-Life Balance Tips

There were several posts on the blog this week from Moms looking for work-life balance tips and encouragement for dealing with "working mom guilt." Here is a sample post:

"I went back to work full time when my son was 5 months old, quit after 5 months! Then I stayed home full time for 10 months. Then, I worked part time for 6 months. Now, I am making the switch back to full time again. I feel guilty. I am in sales, so it is somewhat flexible. Any work and family balance ideas would be greatly appreciated!"

Ah yes, working mother guilt! It seems no matter how adept we become at balancing work and family, it's almost impossible to fully shake the "guilt gremlin." But, with a bit of creativity, you can adapt new rituals and strategies at home that can help ease your burden for the long-haul. Here are three of my personal favorite strategies:

1) Communicate and Negotiate: One of the pitfalls of being a full- time stay-at-home mom is that our husband and children grow used to us doing everything, and then when we return to work, the ground rules don't automatically change. We continue to try to handle everything, and over time, resentment builds. (I'm sure I am not the only one whose husband doesn't automatically pick-up on the increased demands on my time when work heats up). To counter this trend, make a list of duties you're willing to delegate, sit down with your family and discuss the options for a more balanced distribution of the household responsibilities. Remember, fair or not, if you don't take the initiative, change is going to be slow at best.

2) Outsource: Whenever possible, employ services that help to make your home life a bit easier. Some options, such as using a home delivery dry cleaning service, may not even cost you more than a traditional drop-off cleaner. I know certain services, like a weekly house cleaner, can be expensive. But even if you can only afford it once a month, it's money well spent (As I love to tell my husband, it's a whole lot less expensive than getting divorced).

3) Streamline the Dinner Hour: One of the most stressful times for a working mom is the hour when you arrive home from work -- you're tired, the kids are cranky and you have to quickly throw together dinner. Wouldn't it be a treat to arrive home to a cooked meal, and be able to spend that first hour back home enjoying your family? At least two nights a week, plan ahead for dinner -- you can use a crockpot, indulge in take-out food, or freeze meals ahead of time. You'll be amazed at how much more relaxed you'll feel without that stress setting the tone for the evening.

What say you? Please share your work-life balance tips and comments, by posting here.

Working Moms: Introduce Yourself

Are you a working mom trying to find better ways to balance work and family?  Could you use some assistance with a difficult situation at work?  Are you interested in learning new strategies to help you advance in your career? 

Please introduce yourself to your fellow working moms here!